Day fifteen of meditation

I’m agitated today. I woke up agitated and I’ve stayed that way. I had a healthy breakfast and a chill morning but for some reason I’m still cranky. I haven’t been sleeping too well lately, which could definitely be a factor. It’s been so incredibly hot! I’ve been having some complicated feelings about my performance as a teacher. All in all, after even this small reflection, I’m not surprised I’m agitated. I’ve marked it in my hormonal calendar to start tracking my mood against my cycle (as I’m convinced it is a huge contributor to my depressive and anxiety riddled episodes), but for now I’m sincerely hoping my meditation will help me let go of some of the feelings I’m having.

Meditation has thus far been helping me acknowledge unsettling feelings properly, rather than just recognising, “I’m pissed today/right now!!” And then having that feeling take over my perspective for the rest of the day.

Today I also move onto part two of the depression pack in the headspace app, which moves on from ‘noting’ and onto ‘visualisation’. Considering I’ve only ever really done the foundation packs it’s been very exciting delving a little deeper into the wonderful world of meditation with all the techniques it possesses.

I’m finding myself hanging out for my meditation time lately. I look forward to it and it’s regularly on my mind, which is wonderful 🙂

Here goes it, my fifteenth day of doing things from my do column and working towards the person I believe I truly am inside. No more trapping myself with excuses. Today, and from now on, I release myself from the shackles of “normality” and “convenience” and “perpetual bad habits” and “laziness” and instead challenge myself to embrace who I truly am and become the best version of myself. I’m hoping that, today, meditation will bring me one step closer to a less judgemental person, both of myself and of others.

I had to add something after my meditation because it was amazing! Visualisation was very very incredible! What a great session! I feel so much lighter! I am still noticing a little weight and traces of anger, but it’s certainly not dominating my mind and body any more 🙂

Unfortunately the unsettled feeling in my mind returned only an hour later. I think I might have to do the visualisation activity again this afternoon. Which works well because the guide recommends doing it a few times today 🙂

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