Gratitude 3

Personal growth: today, during a fight with my partner, I somehow managed to step back and genuinely use love and compassion and self-reflection to get to the bottom of a disagreement. Generally I get incredibly upset when my partner cannot see my point of view but today, I channeled my love for him to help me see through his eyes. It shortened the fight by hours (possibly), and what in the past has led to a full fledged panic attack today was resolved within half an hour and I managed to stay calm the whole time. Another feeling I channeled was self-awareness. Instead of taking personally his extremely frustrated response to my minor expression of irritation, I chose not to let myself get sucked into a world of rage. I reminded myself in reminding him that I was not angry, in fact, I didn’t actually think he had done something wrong, I was just upset he hadn’t done something extra kind. Which, as it turns out, was simply a reflection of my feeling very overwhelmed by the day I had. I held his hand, I told him I loved him, I apologised genuinely, and expressed a much more authentic view of the situation, recognising the actions by both of us for what they were rather than what my low self-worth would have me do. Upon reflextion, this all feels like quite the moment to recognise and appreciate.

Emergency cash: today at lunch my mum didn’t offer to pay for my meal (which I’m glad for, I’m proud of her, she always feels like she doesn’t take enough care of me), but I remember I had no money on my card! Thankfully, my past self puts some emergency cash in my wallet for such scenarios, I’m grateful for my planning ahead! It meant I got to protect a delicate situation and save both of us some guilt and shame, most importantly not give my mum something extra to worry about.

Receptive partners: in the evening when I had the chance to unload about my stressful day, my partner listened. He was patient, and kind, and supportive. And it was exactly what I needed. I’m grateful for that.

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