Day nineteen of social interaction

So I had a disappointing day for this focus today. I’d organised for some new friends to come around and the whole thing just kinda fell apart last minute 😦

I have a bit of a thing about rejection so I was pretty upset about it, which felt silly. But I suppose this is what I mean by this focus was always going to be one of my most challenging.

What this focus has helped me realise is that, though I’d like to meet new people too, I have some pretty great people in my life already that I should make more of an effort with.

But as for meeting new people, I will keep trying, and I’m sure I’ll make progress… It was just a bit of a disappointing blow, and I’ll need to put some effort into not shutting myself off after being knocked back when I put myself out there and made myself all vulnerable.

As I write it out like this I realise it sounds ridiculous… But it’s just how hard I take it. I’ve been like tho for years, I find being vulnerable in this way one of my biggest fears. I have no problem meeting new people initially, and small talk, etc. But taking relationships to that next level, where they are in your life in a more genuine way? That’s super difficult for me, especially when I don’t have the environment that supports it. Like, for example, a lot of my current friends are from university housing when I did that, but I saw them all the time, it was convenient to make friends. Outside of those environments I find it very difficult.

But, never the less, I refuse to shut myself off because of this. I won’t do that this time.

Tomorrow, more doing.

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